Won’t You?

I lie here

Taking deep breaths

That pierce the heavy silence

Lying scattered all around

For us to play in

A glimmer in your eyes

Shines like the moon

In the ominous darkness

of the night of mischief

In the faint moonlight,

Lost in the psithurism,

I see you looking at me,

Inhuman almost,

You don’t walk,

You take strides,

As I get into a tussle

With my own self.

Last minute nervousness

I tell myself, as you pounce

Like a tiger on a gazelle fawn.

I shiver, at your every touch,

Not with the moist intent

You lay on my lips,

No.

But with the foreign touch

In the most sacred parts

Of my being, of my womanhood.

I close my eyes,

Grab the linen bedsheet tighter,

Hoping it’ll pass,

When I open my eyes again.

Hoping holding the bedsheet,

Would stop the moment

I feel you tug at my decency

Beckoning my wildest self,

I look into your eyes,

I know that look,

That hungry look.

The look that doesn’t ask,

The look that owns. Orders.

Stripped of my vanity,

I feel you all over me,

But your fingers drag along,

Like claws, ripping me open

As you take off your humanity

Strew it on the carpeted floor.

I look at you,

The monster you become

Every single time,

Every single night,

And turn away,

My breath, choking.

Pain.

Pain.

More pain.

But love hurts,

I tell myself, as you ravage me

All over again

With your love.

The sweat on you

Glistens like dew drops,

On the morning flowers.

And with every move,

I watch as you rain crystal spears

Unaware of the diamonds,

That run down and hide

Amidst my messy hair

Pain.

Pain.

Unbearable pain.

And with your victory cry,

I finally emancipate myself,

From your monstrous look.

You lie down like a soldier

Valiant. Weary. Victorious.

Though I must bear,

All your battle scars!

And I know, at day break,

You’ll be gone,

Just like all the other darkness,

And I would still be here,

Devoid of my decency,

Covered in your sillage,

Painted in your love

Black. Blue. Red.

Love must hurt,

I keep telling myself.

And when you come back

In the silence of the night,

To feed on my body again,

I’ll still love you,

I’ll still give myself up

And all that I want

Is your clemency

Sins

I’ve done plenty

So have you,

My love.

Yet why is it so different

For us when we embrace

Our deepest, darkest self?

I’m no more,

No more welcome home,

Ma cannot cry openly,

Since she’s not allowed

To call me, to talk to me,

And I’m forbidden,

To walk the paths

On which I grew.

Yet you remain free,

Of any such amercements!

But I don’t question it,

It’s just futile.

And I guess I love you.

It can’t be otherwise.

As I look at you beside me,

Fast asleep, gentle breaths,

I am reminded of all the times

I needed you, but in vain.

All those times I wanted

To only feel loved, in vain

And all you’ve given me?

Pain. Pain. And pain.

I make up my mind,

To ask you tonight,

Before you leave me again,

Banish me to my solitude,

Won’t you ever love me,

With the lights still on?