I lie here
Motionless. Silent. Vulnerable
Taking deep breaths
That pierce the heavy silence
Lying scattered all around
For us to play in
A glimmer in your eyes
Shines like the moon
In the ominous darkness
of the night of mischief
In the faint moonlight,
Lost in the psithurism,
I see you looking at me,
Inhuman almost,
You don’t walk,
You take strides,
As I get into a tussle
With my own self.
Last minute nervousness
I tell myself, as you pounce
Like a tiger on a gazelle fawn.
I shiver, at your every touch,
Not with the moist intent
You lay on my lips,
No.
But with the foreign touch
In the most sacred parts
Of my being, of my womanhood.
I close my eyes,
Grab the linen bedsheet tighter,
Hoping it’ll pass,
When I open my eyes again.
Hoping holding the bedsheet,
Would stop the moment
I feel you tug at my decency
Beckoning my wildest self,
I look into your eyes,
I know that look,
That hungry look.
The look that doesn’t ask,
The look that owns. Orders.
Stripped of my vanity,
I feel you all over me,
But your fingers drag along,
Like claws, ripping me open
As you take off your humanity
Strew it on the carpeted floor.
I look at you,
The monster you become
Every single time,
Every single night,
And turn away,
My breath, choking.
Pain.
Pain.
More pain.
But love hurts,
I tell myself, as you ravage me
All over again
With your love.
The sweat on you
Glistens like dew drops,
On the morning flowers.
And with every move,
I watch as you rain crystal spears
Unaware of the diamonds,
That run down and hide
Amidst my messy hair
Pain.
Pain.
Unbearable pain.
And with your victory cry,
I finally emancipate myself,
From your monstrous look.
You lie down like a soldier
Valiant. Weary. Victorious.
Though I must bear,
All your battle scars!
And I know, at day break,
You’ll be gone,
Just like all the other darkness,
And I would still be here,
Devoid of my decency,
Covered in your sillage,
Painted in your love
Black. Blue. Red.
Love must hurt,
I keep telling myself.
And when you come back
In the silence of the night,
To feed on my body again,
I’ll still love you,
I’ll still give myself up
And all that I want
Is your clemency
Sins
I’ve done plenty
So have you,
My love.
Yet why is it so different
For us when we embrace
Our deepest, darkest self?
I’m no more,
No more welcome home,
Ma cannot cry openly,
Since she’s not allowed
To call me, to talk to me,
And I’m forbidden,
To walk the paths
On which I grew.
Yet you remain free,
Of any such amercements!
But I don’t question it,
It’s just futile.
And I guess I love you.
It can’t be otherwise.
As I look at you beside me,
Fast asleep, gentle breaths,
I am reminded of all the times
I needed you, but in vain.
All those times I wanted
To only feel loved, in vain
And all you’ve given me?
Pain. Pain. And pain.
I make up my mind,
To ask you tonight,
Before you leave me again,
Banish me to my solitude,
Won’t you ever love me,
With the lights still on?
